Sometimes I wonder why I'm anxious about things that I know I'm already going to do. For example, if I'm planning a trip, I get all of my expenses together, and next thing you know, Boom! A withdrawal from your account that's for your trip happens. Why, for a split second, did I want to cancel it? Like, oh my goodness, they weren't supposed to take all of it! How dare they? Help me remember it's energy, literally everything I put my energy into it's going to come back to me. I just don't like how I be so bent about it. It feels like I have to talk myself down from a cliff, "You spend it and it will be the last time you see it."
That's a lie, literally. I was getting my nails done today, and I was talking to my nail tech, talking about school and whatnot, and she said that her son said, " I'm scared of being poor." Which is a valid fear. I'm scared of being poor, too. I don't want to be without the things I need. I don't want the fear of running out to rule everything I do.
That sounds like a stressful way to live right?!
I step out of my own way and ask my higher power if I'm being hard on myself; my usual answer is yes. That striving for perfection really be tearing my ass up, but being gentle and having discipline is so manageable. Stuck in a culture that makes you feel like you aren't doing enough is so exhausting and depressing. My mom reminds me how well I'm doing, but even with the nice and true words she tells me. What am I waiting for in that moment?
What is this transition I'm waiting for? HEY, MONEY, I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!
Did shouting it feel good?! A little bit? Good. Just Breathe and Slow Down.
You doing good Blessy.
No comments:
Post a Comment