People Everyday - Arrested Development

Good evening, I know I missed a week in updating you cool folks but as we start getting closer to the end of the semester I just started to get more busy with school honestly. I make tiktoks here and there just to keep doing that whenever I just feel like being funny or socially I guess. I do have a social life but not to over the top. Besides school and work I like being to myself and around the people that likes me that's all I find myself really caring about. The post will be every other week at least until I get some extra time.

You have to go through the storm to see what the other side is like, lately this storm has been unhinged I've been so stress out over my exam, so stress over work, and so stress out about person who ain't even thinking about me. On the other side of the storm I gotten a B on my exam, I stand up for myself at work because ain't no one else going too shit, fxck any type of management who don't care about their black employees. Dumb ass bitches. Hold on cause now I going to have to cuss for a minute. Mutha fuckas want you to break your fxcking back to do shit girl fxck you! I ain't signing shit this ain't death row nigha. The fxck, mutha fuckas barely have employees and you wonder why you can't keep no fucking body girl stop talking to me. People love relaying a message to you but can't say shit to your face. Don't Pissed Me Off. Not on the Last Of Black History Month. Shit I'm black every day. Alright I'm going to hop off this paragraph now.

Learning to detach is hard even when you don't want to. 

How people express (love, likeness, adoration) my "heart" is occupied and it may be for a while, I get understand more when folks say even sending a text message is energy transferred, I was talking to my work auntie and she's 70 and she said to me "Their is so much temptation out here folks can't find a reason to be loyal, what one person don't have or want shit they'll just find it else where." It's shitty when you are loyal and who want to express that to someone who's worthy of it but I'll keep showing myself that. Don't ever settle for someone who
only wants you for their needs. Your needs are so important so take care of them baby so they know how to take care of you.

As the weather is starting to get warmer, it's time to start solo traveling again. Don't let anything or anyone stop you from exploring. I think I know where I'm going to go first. I get so excited inside putting myself out there it's a beautiful feeling. 

Learning, loving, listening to the passion I have I want this feeling to rejuvenated on me like how this weighted blanket wraps on me or how gentle this robe hug me. My eyes are open and I can only accept what I see with them. My ears are open and I can only hear what is being said to me not around or near me. 

Gloomy Saturday/Sunday (quiet storm 2)

 About time you see this it will already be the next day, yawn. MIDNIGHT WRITE!

Let's talk about the our weekdays that pass us by, did you have a valentine? Do you celebrate it or did you celebrate it? My mom gone be my valentine until the day she leaves this earth. I see it now. My mom and I had a really good conversations though basically talking about character development and what it meant be mature- what makes a person mature. On top of everything: I deserve respect and kindness just as much as the next person so what makes a person think if they're aren't giving it to me I'm going to stick around and wait for them too. 

Miscommunication plays a very big role in everything damn thing. My mom said something that made me think, I asked her something like "Do you ever wish you can run into someone you had a disagreement with?" She said yeah at that moment when you do, its a feeling of just wanting to make things amend. There is no bad blood, I still want you to be successful anyway possible even if it's not with me or around me. 

Man I don't know who need to hear this or even ready this but it's okay to admit SHIT IS HARD. It is, I know school be hard for me, like this shit is not middle or high school at all okay. Of course we going to keep going and keep our head raise and say all the motivational shit that we need to hear but SHIT BE HARD. Breathe in, Breathe out.

Dating so damn odd everybody having a good time be single (or otherwise) and single folks enjoying the entertainment of people in relationships. Yeah it's just mad weird folks want love that they see from other people, but somehow don't want to put the work in & they don't like themselves, no self love, compassion literally anything evolving self a person just don't want to do because they think they can do it better with someone. I'll find the biggest fxcking boot lace them hoes up and stomp you in your fxcking nasal cavity. Don't bring that bullshit my way with your un healed self. 

Love yourself better so nobody can never tell you how you need to be loved. 

That's the mf message bxtch!

a Monday In February

I think in my blog today I want to talk about how a person is so focus on the wrong thing and how it will distract them from the right thing. It's like worrying about things and people who aren't worried about you, or even care for you. 

I missed a due date for one of my class assignments and I'm not happy about it literally wanted to freak out but shit what I can do its behind me now and I'm pretty sure I missed out. I'm not going to be bummed about it for long because their is other opportunity to get things in on time. I'm not going to let this feeling on disappoint, ruin my life, control my life or even run my life shit happens. 

It's like who do I have to prove right too when it comes to myself, I fxck up and you fxck up and if you are saying you don't you are a piece of shit (just kidding .. a little bit) But yes fxcking up its real and it happens to humans. 

This is why we learn from our mistakes. As for me I was disappoint for i missed a due date for my assignment, does that mean I give up all together? No it doesn't. It just means I will look at my syllabus according or keep a reminder in my phone the due for the upcoming weeks. You know just prepare myself better, now this is the part of self compassion I want you to have for yourself. 

Please give yourself grace, you may ask how do I give myself grace? Start by telling yourself I know your not in the good mood about the situation but hey it's okay .. Explain to yourself what you may had been going through, realize it's only 24 hours in a day and you can not do everything, tell yourself I love you and and I'm sorry. breathe in and breathe out. 

Shit is challenging ya'll and it's not easy, that's why we just take it one day at a time and do what we can. No matter what, I'm proud of you. You got this, I've gotten this far. 

My period started today.

Can we check in? How are you doing truly?

good evening oh my goodness it is just a lot going on in the world in the daily life; in every which way of life but I know I'm in a period of transformation if feeling excitingly scaring.

I had to think about a lot of things and understand why are certain season you just have to be still. One thing that was on my mind this past week was "what the fxck is going on in the world" the shit is really fxcking scary, sad and so many other emotions relating to the unknown. 

Breathe in ... Breathe out.

Now I'ma hold your hand when I say this but you know the world ain't on our shoulders right? Like it's not in our hands at all! 

Please don't add that on your to do list boo, yes please be caution about your surroundings but this is not your job to fix. 

It's not our job to fix it. PLEASE! don't forget about self care she needs you too. New month, if you have period makes sure to get something really cozy for yourself, if you have a valentine don't forget to get yourself something. Do something nice for yourself boo you deserve it. I heard eating steak is good for the first of your period so I want to try that, I'm not much of a steak eater but I do love it in tacos.

I give myself grace, love and so many I'm proud of you. Oh my gosh you guys I love me. I love when I'm trying to figure things out for myself if I don't understand it. I love being patience with myself when I'm overwhelm with thought, idea, or a sentence. 

Thank you for reading this comfy message.