Saturday nights can be Quiet too.

 Good evening, I'm not 100% sure what I want to talk about here but I do want to express myself in a poem, I gotten my inspiration from a video called "how to be alone when you don't wanna be." by for the healthy hoes on Youtube. 

It's quiet here maybe if I make some noise it won't seem as lonely. He said "I think being lonely stops me from showing the emotions that I suppose to give" in another saying I'm allowed to release. 

Why you stop releasing them? Is it the same reason why people stop showing up? Or how about it was all about them and not about you? Did you tell them I love you and felt like it was hold against you? I mean you released it? Oh that wasn't go enough for you?! Who do you think you are. Why am I hearing this so loudly? ... (As the inside of my thoughts spirals I watch them)

If I know my emotions are my superpower why can't I help those in need? Truth is your super powers show up when your the one in need. So I need you to be here in this quiet time and observe you thoughts, feelings, inner voices and emotions. 

It's okay to have the feeling of loneliness but just know you aren't alone. We can experience a lot of things while we're lonely that's what makes us human too. 

My experience has been sad. 

The feeling of being happy because your lonely feeling isn't there so things feels good but once something drastic happens lost of a friend, relationship, partner etc. everything shifts. Doesn't make anyone a bad person but understand self this time in necessary for anyone. I miss them. You miss them. I get it. It's alright to move on their is no need to stay there to long. 

Hugging each one of my emotions and saying thank you showing up to remind me I'm not a RObot but that I'm human & that I have feelings too. Thank you for reading. 

Let us Pray

 Good morning so ya'll trust I know I haven't been as consisted as I would like but man getting back into the habit of studying for school, working out, maintaining your health overall ya know it's not easy but it's definitely worth it. 

Everyone (mostly) around the world are losing their shit because Tiktok one of the social media platforms are getting banned now I'm not going to go into depth about why its getting band and who's decisions it was however, it so trash any opportunity you get to meet people and see different things from around the world only comes so often. In the future something else will come out where folks might meet again but it's not going to be as fun as Tiktok was. It sucks because too it was so helpful with finding cooking recipes, workout videos, motivation, inspiration, just things that can just help make our lives a tab bit easier.

Another thing I'm not going to talk about is the inauguration happening on Monday. That's all I'm going to mention because here is my thing ya know we in America (shrug shoulders) as a people we just going to see first how our future will look different these next four years ya know. I pray for my family, friends, those who I can't see and those who I may not be friends with anymore. I want to see all ya'll eat even if it's not at my table. 

To my Jesus, to my God, to my higher power please look out over us. Amen.

Just to talk about my personal life for a hot second, man sigh ... I really be holding people so close to me thinking their my friend and have my best interest at heart just to find they don't. Its sucks, I'm pass the point of trying to work things if another person isn't willing to, and the biggest thing I feel it's hard for me to accept at times is folks is just going to be who they are. Can't change them nor don't even try to but just accept it. Friendships looks different for a lot of people because maybe a person don't know what a friendship is and don't hold the same compacity as a type of relationship. You have to maintain those right? Who have to communicate and about talk what works and what doesn't right? Any types of relationships grows as long you water it and take care it. I'm get the "Oh the season and reason because the weather changes bs" but enough with that I don't want to hear it no more. As my mom say to me or about other folks "If ya'll gone be friends, be friends" Just like with any relationship too, you're going to grieve once it gone and that's okay as you should. Thank you for being here today I'll talk to you later. Peace.

Let it snow ... in January?

 Good morning human beings, if you are outside in this snowing weather please be careful and everyone working in healthcare please be careful. Snow days for adults is insane it's really only fun if you have children or siblings or maybe even some next door neighbor wanna play in some snow. It's cold outside waaah blah blah blah. Of course it is duh!! Family we gotta step it up, it's people outside who does family walks in the snow. 

However class just started for me, so far so good we are preparing for the following testes, quizzes and exams. My goodness ya'll I'm going to be 30 this year and I feel like the closer I get to it the less bullshit I'm dealing with. You really go through this mental phase of know what's worth your time and just know I'm too old to bullshit now be for real what's up with you!? Respecting yourself, standing up for yourself and trusting yourself all comes into play when a mf think they can just play with you.

Some advice: don't be hard on yourself. Tighten the fxck up. Being vulnerable is a beautiful thing, don't let anyone change your mind that it isn't. You continue to be that soft loving spirit in the world. My goodness ya'll it is so hard to stay awake these days. Give me liberty or give me peace.

My moms birthday is tomorrow thank you, heavenly father allow my mom to see her 60th birthday. Moms you know I love you & slide on somebody eye if they every look at you sideways. Thank you for always being here for me.