Thankfulness

Good evening lovely people, I hope you've been taking this Sunday with ease and if you haven't I hope you've been very productive .. No matter what, I'm very proud of you. So thanksgiving is coming up and I would like to just talk about what I'm grateful for and what it means to me. (Without giving so much history behind it)

I'm thankful for my mom just to start this off with because she is my Blessing. I pray that every one can have a loving, caring, funny, supportive mom like mine. Without even trying to paint a perfect picture because we aren't perfect ya know mothers and daughters have a indescribable relationships but it's one that I wouldn't change for the world. I love you mom and I'll beat a nigha so bad that they'll be unrecognizable all for you. (She wouldn't want that on my her conscious though)    

I'm thankful for my close friends. (E) (L) (S) (T) (B) Having friends who allow you to be yourself, who are your safe space, who knows your not perfect, who's telling you it's okay or when something is fxck up, who keeps you accountable, who supports you, who tells you their proud of you, Literally! Just being their existing beside me. They're my gems. I can't compare what they all did for me and how much it means to me. I've met them all in different time frames of my life but it happen to be at the right time. Jesus knew who I needed and what I needed. I love how emotional I can be around ya'll. (I'm going to be saying this speech when I graduate so prepared yourselves) I just want to say thank ya'll for being my Blessing.

I'm thankful for the family that's still with me, that just loves me. I love ya'll the way that you guys showed my love throughout my life do understand that's me? Like I got this big energy of love, because my family showed me it. My family is small but it still works as a whole and I couldn't ask for anything better. Thank you for loving on Blessing.

I'm thankful for myself. I am so brave, I'm so fun and I'm so loving, I'm so kind to myself. Thank you for never walking away from you, thank you for wanting to better yourself, thank you for exploring new things, thank you for trying again, thank you for being your best friend. Thank you for remaining to be a kid at heart. Thank you for learning me, comforting me and loving me. Thank you for showing me love every day whether it's in the biggest or smallest way. Thank you for thinking about me. I love you always have and always will and there's nothing you can do about it.

What does thanksgiving mean to me? Beside the food, because even though that plays a big role I can't eat around folks who I typically don't give a fxck about. The pilgrims stole the land and the recipes from indigenous folks we get that part right? I'm not even sure black people should be celebrating this holiday, I wish black people as a community would do something that benefits our people. We got black history month but it's over fxcking shadow! I don't want to keep doing the shit every year, I think that plays a part why people want families of their own to start new traditions but it's hard to even get that started in your own family. Commercials love portraying families like every one has one no matter the color, shape and size. Let me see and family gathering around no tables, everybody eating pringles and playing uno then maybe that shit will look realistic. Any way I'm thankful so ... yeah ya'll have good holiday and remember don't wear no TIGHT CLOTHES on thanksgiving! Why are you tryna be the baddest bxtch in the room knowing you gotta try three different mac & cheese?! SMH! Have a good week love you. 

Honey Vanilla Chamomile

 Good evening lovely people, we had made it to another week blessings for that one. How have your been doing? I've been going through this week with so much intention to make each day a better as the last one. So can I just say the people who be in this world who are just happy, no matter what you're going through, people whom know you as just being happy no matter the environment you're in, YOU are the honey in this vanilla world. 

I decided, self we are entering the season where the sun is going down quicker, more gloomy days, more colds days, less showing skins, more covering up and the feeling of love being in the air is extremely romantic if you have someone special to share it with.. All of that being said I will not accept being depress, I don't want to but at the same time I'll be the guilty one to say I do fall into it (sometimes) sorry sad girl moment. It's not that I'm addicted to being sad but baby if I'm already sad lets be sad all the way. 

Any who self has been doing a lot of solitude activities like balancing my chakras with yoga and meditation, indulging into writing and trying to be mindful with time. Whether that's in my favorite spot, reading my favorite book, or spending time with my favorite people. Every now and then I like to reminds myself of boundaries, the "why" I'm doing what I'm doing and "who" am I doing this for as a refresher for my mental. 

A win is a win .. right?

 Man it's been a minute since I last typed on here, well what I can I say a girl is now 29 years young, single (yes, can you believe that) and I am in school. YES! you're girl went back to school for real this time not for play and is getting her associates, forever grateful and thankful. 

Fast forward to just today, shorty just gotten a B on her exam and I'm geeking yes, yes and yes I am happy about this but at the same time kinda of sad because I wish I had a girlfriend (my person) to just celebrate the little wins with. Ya know nothing over the top but just to call them, text them or however you communicate with your person like look baby I did it!

A kiss on the forehead, a real meaningful hug that comes with back rubs or even a celebration sex (yes those exist in my world) just would be lovely. If only right? Wishful thinking. 

I look up this word to see if it describes how I feel and I would like to share it with you. 

Unrequited love 

when you have romantic feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way. 

It can range in a couple of emotions from excitement, happiness and sadness. 

I do think about these things and I wonder hmm you know this is even though yes I be 

in my feelings just as much as the next women I am glad that I am experiencing them.

So ... a win is a win right?